Find YOUR Inner STRENGTH

We all have gone through hard times.  We all have had to pick ourselves back up after falling down.  For some, they have fallen down so many times, that it's hard to stand on solid ground because it seems to keep crumbling around them.  I recently have been going through a difficult time.  I lost three people that I cared deeply about and no matter how hard I try I will never be able to get them back.  It triggered something inside me...something dark.  I have been in this dark place far too many times and it's always eager to pull me back in.  It's like a big black hole just waiting for me to let go and succumb to its wrath.  I've dealt with this dark cloud for many, many years.  I won't go into specifics but it took me a very long time to pull myself out of each hole that I've fallen into.  However, the point is that I managed to pull myself back out.  I survived and so will you.  No matter how bad it may be, no matter how tired of fighting you are, never stop.  There is a reason you are going through this bump in the road, even if you don't know what the reason is right now.  I promise it will all be worth it.  Every tear will soon be replaced with a smile, every cry for help will soon become a burst of laughter, and every sad memory will soon be replaced with a happy one.  

When I was diagnosed with Anorexia I didn't think it was real.  I knew what Anorexia was; I learned about it in health class but, I could never have it because I was an athlete.  Well it turns out I was the worst case.  I restricted my caloric in-take and over exercised.  Every treatment center I was admitted to either kicked me out or told my parents and I that I was a chronic case and chances are I would kill myself sooner rather than later.  I tried to get better but I never wanted to get better for me...I tried for my mom, my dad, my sister, and my friends but nothing seemed to trigger my desire to get better until I decided it was time to let go.  The point of this whole ramble is to show you that if I never went through that extremely difficult time, I would have never discovered the world of bodybuilding.  I wouldn't have met so many amazing people or found my passion in life.  I hung on and fought tooth and nail with the voices in my head to get where I am today.  Lord knows I am not perfect (HA! I am FAR from it) but I am much stronger and healthier than I was 8 years ago.  If I gave up every time I thought about it, I wouldn't be here today.  You can't have a rainbow without a little rain.

After losing three people that I care deeply about, that little stubborn girl that is inside me was tired of fighting and just wanted to give up.  It took me a few weeks to realize that I needed to keep going.  I'm not going to lie to you guys, I still cry pretty much every day, and there are days where I can't sleep or eat very well but, I pray I will soon be back on my feet again.  No matter how many people told me that it was okay to be upset I felt guilty for not being the happy, bubbly me.  No matter how many times my mom told me it would soon be better I didn't believe her, I still am having a hard time believing her.  I had so much faith that everything would be okay and workout the way it was supposed to but it's been hard to stay positive when life doesn't seem fair sometimes.  It's okay to be sad, angry, frustrated, confused, or lost but it's NOT okay to give up!  No matter how terrible you may feel right now, have comfort in knowing you are not alone.  Keep faith in the unknown and never lose focus on what truly matters because anything is possible. 

Find that voice inside of you that is screaming for you to fight for what you love and what for feels right.  Don't let fear dictate your life.  Don't give up on something or someone that could be the one thing or the one person you have been waiting for.  Never let those voices of self-doubt keep you from following your dreams or your heart.  Yes taking chances is scary (I have experienced it) but do you want to know what hurts more than being scared?  Regret.  Everything happens for a reason. Stay strong and lift on.

xo