Addiction
Addiction comes in many forms, drugs, alcohol, Anorexia, Bulimia,
and over eating. It’s a powerful grasp
on your life. It doesn’t really hit you
that you’re playing with overdose or death until one day it happens. This is a topic that is really close to my
heart not only because of my addiction story but because of the many people in
my life that have battled with it; some have overcome & some have
lost. I want to bring awareness to this
topic so that people who are struggling know how serious it is. I want to educate people who are having a
difficult time understanding addiction.
All in all, I just want to help.
I didn’t plan on having Anorexia. I didn’t wake up one morning & announce “I
want to be Anorexic.” For as long as I
can remember I have always had a bad relationship with my body. I have always felt a little out of place, a
little different. Growing up I played a
lot of sport so I had more muscle than most of my friends. I was taller & bigger than a lot of girls
my age & that automatically made me feel weird. Both of my Aunts on my dad’s side had
Anorexia & Bulimia so maybe it was a little bit hereditary but honestly, I
think it has more to do with the way I thought & viewed myself as a
person. It was my black & white
thinking that really took a toll on me.
I fought constantly with my parents. I hated going home because I knew all we would
do was scream at each other. My house
was like a war zone. I felt like no one
understood me & that was scary to me.
Friends & family would pressure me to get help, to stop being Anorexic. If it were that easy to just stop…I would
have a long time ago but, addiction is a scary & dangerous thing. I was terrified of leaving behind my Eating
Disorder because I forgot how to be “normal.”
I forgot what it was like to be genuinely happy, to eat functionally, to
exercise because I wanted to not because I felt I had to.
It’s true when people say the only way to get over addiction
is to come to this decision on your own.
No one can force you do it not matter how many times they beg you to
stop, no matter how many times they cry or bribe you to get help. It took my Uncle 15 years to finally decide
he needed to give up alcohol & go to his first AA meeting. It took me 6 years before I finally said “enough
is enough.” For some, like me, treatment
didn’t help. I went to 3 inpatient
programs, did outpatient programs 4 times before I was kicked out & sat
through countless hours of therapy but I was stubborn & sneaky. I said what they wanted me to, I pretended I
was “cured” just so I could get out & go right back to my old ways. I spent 90 days in Arizona away from my family
& friends. I had a feeding tube
stuffed up my nose & I wasn’t allowed to exercise or call home. I was isolated with a house full of other
girls who were struggling just as much as I was. Instead of motivating me to get better, it
made me more determined to lose even more weight. Typical treatment didn’t work for me because
I despised being told what to do. I rebelled
every single time & honestly, I think it made my Eating Disorder
stronger.
I finally came to the decision to get help when it was MY
idea. I didn’t do it because my parents
told me to or because the doctors told me I was going to die. I realized the way I was living was no way to
live. I contemplated suicide many, many
times just so I could end the pain but I got a dope slap one day & I never
looked back. I’m not saying treatment
doesn’t work, because for many people it does, but what I am saying is it has
to be the person’s OWN decision. They
can’t be forced into it because I can tell you right now, it won’t last. Addiction is nothing to joke about, it’s not
something that can be cured overnight & for many people the demons are
always in the back of their minds. It’s
a choice every day to stay sober or to stay on the recovery path. Certain things trigger these thoughts or
behaviors but it’s up to them to stay on the straight & narrow. If you know someone who is dealing with
addiction be there for them. I know it’s
hard to understand but just being there when they need you is enough. Don’t get mad at them, don’t yell at them or
punish them because this type of mental battle is punishment enough. Be their rock, be positive & most
importantly stay strong.
I am here to help!
Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me! My email is tbachfitness@gmail.com
xoxo me
